On Sunday 3 September, my mother passed away at the ripe old age of 90. Unfortunately, during her latter years she suffered from dementia, a horrible disease that takes away the mind before the body. Below is the speech that I gave at her Requiem Mass on 11 September.
Thank you to everyone for coming today, as we farewell Carmel Monica Naismith. For us she was Mum, until she became a grandmother when she became Moni. At that time Mum refused to be called Nanna or Grandma, “I’m not old enough to be called that!”. And so Moni was born, an abbreviation of her middle name Monica. And she was forever young, she did age gracefully; her hair stubbornly refused to go grey. Unfortunately for her three sons, we never got those genes! Thanks Dad.
It was always Carmel and Colin Naismith; we are going around to visit Moni and Ho, or Mum and Dad, we never said we were going to visit Ho and Moni – or Dad and Mum. That just sounds wrong. It was always Moni that came first.
And so it was for over the next nearly 67 years of marriage, and her three sons Perry (please put your arm up so we know which one is the oldest), Craig and myself as the youngest. And her gorgeous mail order girl Michaela – she always wanted someone to put in a pretty dress.
But did Moni really come first? Over these 67 years and four children and the grandchildren, it really wasn’t Mum that came first. She was characterised by her selflessness – her daily life was totally oriented around the family. It was the family that came first and that’s the way that she wanted it. She was such a loving wife, mother, grandmother, great grandmother, and mother-in-law. Some examples…
With three big boys in the house, there was always enough food. We didn’t go hungry although Craig may beg to differ. Any raids on the mint slices were very disapproved of – “there’s plenty of other food available” – her wonderful homemade fruit cake in particular. Dinner was always on the table at 6.30 pm sharp and you had to make sure that you were within earshot of the house at that time.
Another aspect of her selflessness was Mum’s nose for sniffing out a bargain. She was the Amazon Store before we had online shopping. You could give Mum a request and she will go around to BrandSmart or other factory outlets and find it for you and in many cases will buy it and say is this what you wanted and it was on special!
I think that Mum enjoyed shopping because her early life was not an easy one. Her early years living in Brunswick in the 30s and 40s were at the time of the slow emergence from the Depression and World War II. As an only child, Mum spent quite a bit of her time with her Aunty Flo and Aunty Edie in Brunswick who had young men as boarders particularly during and after the war. Carmel was a great student, dux of her class, and she left school early to earn money as a book keeper. If she was born 50 years later, I’ve often wondered what career she would have made for herself. I know it would have been very different to being an Avon lady in the local area.
She had to grow up quickly and grow up she did! She was 5 foot 10 by the time she was 14. She enjoyed going to dances and meeting young men with her cousin Shirley. Mum was engaged three times, Yes Dad was third time lucky. I asked Dad how long was your engagement and he told me that given Mum’s track record, I made sure that it was a very short engagement! Marrying Dad (who was the youngest of 12) meant that there were lots of babies and young children around in the extended Naismith family which helped Mum learn how to be a mother before she became our mother.
Our folks lived for 30 years in their house in Henders Street Forest Hill before building three units including their own just 100 yards away in Jackson Street where Dad still lives 30+ years later. She lived through the many different phases of Forest Hill Shopping Centre and I think that she would have visited every store there at least once.
Growing up our dinners were the traditional meat and three veg until Mum started to learn to cook Chinese food with Elizabeth Chong – her favourite was Beef and Broccoli in her electric wok. She loved going to Vietnamese restaurants. Garlic and ginger prawns always had to be chosen if we went out as a family to her favorite Tien Dat or Indochine restaurants, washed down with a glass (or maybe two) of Sauvignon Blanc.
Mum always kept room for a banana fritter at the end. As we went through the photos for the slideshow, there are many photos of her at a restaurant with a banana fritter in front of her. None of them are taken with a main meal in front of her. Mum always liked to have her cups of tea hot and her food served and eaten while it was hot. Us Naismiths have an unwritten law that we would never stop to take a photo when the main courses arrived on the table!
Mum loved the beach and she and Dad went up to the Gold Coast each winter for 40 years or so until Covid. Early years, they’d drive up but that affected Mum’s back so she was very happy to fly up to get some sun. Tugun and Coolongatta became second homes, so much so that when Mum had dementia, she often said she was going home to Queensland. Sitting on the beach, reading books, getting enough sun to get a tan and get skin cancer, Mum loved it up there.
Another form of escape for Mum was going to the movies. She was a frequent cinema goer – either with friends or by herself. She would often recommend movies to us that we should go and see, and we were often quite shocked by some of the ones that she had recommended that were violent or had quite rompy sex scenes. She loved Alan Ladd in the early days and later Robert Downey Junior as IronMan. She knew about all the latest movie releases far more than her hip grandkids. She preferred action movies, and crime thriller books. She also loved watching TV (but not when the footy was on) and quickly learned how to use the VCR so she could record her favourite TV shows, like Bold and the Beautiful.
Her Catholic faith was very important to her. She was a loyal parishioner here at St Thomas the Apostle in Blackburn and whenever she travelled with Dad, they made sure to find a local Catholic Church that they could attend on the Sunday.
When she was younger, Mum enjoyed playing tennis each week, perhaps more for the social interaction rather than the exercise. Dad called it a hit and giggle but maybe it was more a miss and giggle. She also learned how to play golf and enjoyed a few rounds with her sons. I can’t recall Mum ever playing a round with Dad, maybe Dad’s competitiveness might have been a bit too much for her!
A final note. Mum’s love and devotion to her family was matched by Colin’s support for Carmel over the last three to four years of her life. It is so hard to see your life partner progressively lose her mind with dementia and on behalf of the family and Mum’s friends, we are so grateful for you and for Perry in helping and caring for Mum while she was at home and then with your frequent visits to her at Inala.
It’s the last thing in the world that Mum would have wanted was to gradually lose the ability to look after herself and the ability to recognise her family. However, we know that Mum would have wanted to know that she was loved, not just at the end, but for all the wonderful things that she did throughout her life.
We love you Carmel, We love you Moni, We love you Mum. Rest in Peace.
And here is the Youtube link to the photo slideshow that we put together for her and the link for the booklet that accompanied Monday’s service.
Knowledge Futures 